memories

May. 16th, 2017 07:50 pm
jcsbimp01: my user icon taken in 2014 (Default)
[personal profile] jcsbimp01
In elementary school, which we also sometimes called primary school, I became aware of my uniqueness in many ways. I tended to see myself as unpopular, and felt others saw me as unusual. I do not know whether this came before I gained a reputation, and marks on my early report cards, for being too talkative. Social interaction was fascinating to me, especially in the classroom setting.

I do have memories of friendships I had before I turned six and entered first grade in the tiny Northwest Georgia town I called home. Mom and Dad taught at the school there, which was first through twelfth grades back then. It is now an elementary school only. But the friendships I had during my early years in that town, Fairmount, were the first friendships I can remember outside of my family.

I remember living next door to a family with a little girl the same age I was. She, in fact, was in my home room at school all twelve years I attended. We went from being playmates to graduating together. I remember another girl being related to the school principal at the time, and also being someone I thought was exceptionally pretty. I was four or five years old, and quite possibly already a little infatuated by the thought of being infatuated with a pretty girl.

I do not know why I got such an early start at that, or why it was so intense, but at the same time so much a spectator sport: I needed immense courage to even come up with plans to flirt with someone. I also seemed to prefer hanging around with the girls at recess. As people I wanted to know, they were, very much moreso than the boys. There were the two guys who were kind of special in my class, the very smart one and the funny one. Later, I was to meet the even funnier one and the very skinny, geeky one. They both came out as gay, to my surprise. I think they thought I might have been, too, but I don't think it was a deal-breaker for them that I didn't discover homosexuality in my nature.

But anyway, my girl-craziness was profound, and it started pretty early. There was a black-haired girl in my class who just struck me as ravishing. As early as the second grade, and maybe even a little bit the year before that, I had a bad crush on her. I think back to that now, and there is not much I remember about that crush, or about any of my classmates' reactions to it. S_____ knew about it, but it never went anywhere, not even a second grader's version of "anywhere", that I can remember. In later years, middle school and onward, I crushed on J_____, she knew it, it was also not to be. And R_____. All of them were pretty brunettes, all of them seemed inaccessible. And some of them teased me about it, J_____ especially.
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jcsbimp01: my user icon taken in 2014 (Default)
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